Even though this bulletin may arrive a little early (due to the Good Friday holiday on April 2), jokesters are still too late for sneaking any First of April pranks into this bulletin. No matter when you read it, this bulletin is dated April 2 for good reason. Your bulletin editor serves as a solid wall against nonsense. Do not think of us as humorless, for your editor has enjoyed perpetrating many elaborate pranks, japes and stunts, but never on April 1 (because that might give it away), and never in this bulletin (standing on principle). Also, we prefer to be perpetrators rather than recipients.
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